IN THEIR EYES
by LadyofDodge
Summary: Matt Dillon loved every inch of Kitty Russell's exquisite face and body, but if forced, he would have to admit it was her eyes that first attracted him to her.  A Missing Moment to Matt's Love Story.
1. Chapter 1

**IN THEIR EYES: A MM to "Matt's Love Story"**

Chapter 1

Kitty Russell sat at a back table in the early morning emptiness of  
the Long Branch, her auburn head bent low over the big black ledgers.

She was assiduously re-checking an especially troublesome column of  
figures when she felt her heart begin to pound wildly beneath her  
simple white shirtwaist.

Dear God, she thought, the presence of only one person on earth had  
ever set her heart to pounding like that. But Matt Dillon had been gone for  
nearly five weeks now, with no word to her or anyone else as to his  
whereabouts. She didn't even know for certain if he was dead or alive.

Looking up, she saw the familiar figure of the man who held her heart  
filling the space above the batwing doors, the clear blue eyes  
squinting as they scanned the cool darkness of the room.

"Matt!" Her voice came out as little more than a whisper as she leaped  
from her chair, scattering ledgers and papers to the floor as she flew  
across the room and threw herself into the big marshal's arms.

Stretching on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck and press  
her lips to his, she felt his body stiffen and draw back, as if in an  
effort to remove himself from her enthusiastic embrace.

"What's the matter, Cowboy? You hurt?" she asked as her hands slid  
under his vest and moved with deliberate slowness over his broad back and  
chest, searching for any new injury to his already scarred and  
battered body.

"Uh, no...it's, I'm fine, Kitty. Just give me a minute to take a look  
at you." Holding her at arm's length, his keen eyes once again took in  
her still beautiful face, the deep auburn curls pulled back this morning  
into a simple pony tail, and her eyes, those fantastic long-lashed  
sapphire eyes that could penetrate to the very depths of his soul.

Matt Dillon loved every inch of Kitty Russell's exquisite face and  
body, but if forced, he would have to admit that it was her eyes that had  
first captivated him, and held him to her exclusively for eighteen  
years...large and round and crystal clear, laughing, twinkling, dancing,  
teasing blue eyes that reflected every one of her frequent and varied  
moods. Eyes that softened with warmth and love when she covertly  
watched him across a crowded room. Eyes that widened with pleasure and  
darkened with desire when she lay in his arms. Eyes that could be tempestuous  
as a stormy prairie sky when he displeased her. And eyes that could be  
wounded and vulnerable when he hurt her.

It was these last two that concerned him at the moment. There was  
something he needed to tell her and needed to tell her immediately,  
before that first passionate kiss erupted into a conflagration of  
pent-up longing and need so intense that it propelled them again into  
each others arms and up the polished stairs to satisfy their yearning  
in that oldest ritual known to man.

He had to tell her. He couldn't continue to kiss her, to hold her in  
his arms. He couldn't take her to bed, couldn't make love to her with the  
knowledge...was it the guilt...of what had happened weighing heavy on  
his mind.

Still holding her hands, Matt looked down into Kitty's trusting blue  
eyes and said, "Kitty, we need to talk. I...I need to tell you  
something. Can we go..." and he nodded his head in the direction of  
the saloon office.

Kitty missed that gesture completely as she began to gather the papers  
and ledgers from where they had fallen on the table and floor. "Why  
don't you go on upstairs while I put this away and ask Sam to keep an  
eye on things in here. I'll be right up."

Not exactly what he wanted, but how could he tell Kitty he didn't want  
to go to her room? It will be all right, he told himself and slowly  
climbed the long wooden staircase to the second floor.

A few minutes later, Kitty entered her upstairs rooms carrying a full  
bottle of rye whiskey and two glasses. She found the man she loved  
beyond all reason sitting on the edge of the settee, turning his big  
Stetson in his hands and staring at the floor.

She placed the bottle and glasses on the nearest table and quickly  
crossed the room to kneel before him. Cupping a hand beneath his  
strong jaw, she forced his head up and searched his expressive eyes for a  
clue as to what was going on. In those clear depths she saw fatigue, a  
touch of sadness, and something she couldn't quite identify, for in all  
their years together she had never seen that look in his eyes before.

"What is it, Matt? Are you sure you're not hurt? You were gone for so  
long with no word. Festus asked every stage driver who came into town  
if he'd seen you. He and Newly took turns tracking for days in every  
direction. Doc had Barney send telegrams to all the stations north of  
here cause that's the direction you said you were going, but...there  
was nothing. I...I kept telling myself you'd be back, but I was beginning  
to think I was lying."

Kitty stopped speaking and waited for the big man to respond. After  
what seemed an eternity, he took her slender hand from his jaw, pressed a  
warm kiss into the palm and held it tenderly between his two huge  
ones. He drew in a deep breath. "Kitty..." he began and stopped.

Kitty wrapped her other arm around his left knee and laid her cheek  
against his hard, muscular thigh. "I know something bad happened out  
there, Matt. If you're not ready to talk about it yet, that's okay. I  
can wait. In the meantime, let's see what we can do about making you  
feel better," she said as she slid her hand along his broad chest and  
reached for the buttons on his shirt.

Much to her surprise, he abruptly grabbed her hand from his chest and  
held it down to her side. "No, Kitty...wait, I need to talk to you  
first."

"Matt?"


	2. Chapter 2

**IN THEIR EYES: A MM to "Matt's Love Story"**

Chapter 2

From the moment he left the Starcourt ranch Matt had thought of  
nothing else, nothing except how he was going to tell Kitty about his  
encounter with Mike Yardner. If it weren't for Mike, he most likely wouldn't be  
alive right now, and for that he was most grateful. He was pretty sure  
Kitty would feel the same way.

If Lester Dean had just shown up one day sooner and returned his  
identity to him...

But that hadn't happened, and so he had lain that last night with Mike  
Yardner. Was it love? Was it merely physical need? Was it sheer  
loneliness and yearning for the person he couldn't yet remember, but  
who was the entire world to him?

Guilt spoke loud and clear as he spurred Buck as fast as possible  
toward the east.

As the trail to Dodge became shorter, he stopped for a night in Pueblo  
to give both the big buckskin and himself a rest. Eating a lonely  
supper in the restaurant of his hotel, he ran into Will Tremain, who for  
several years had been the post surgeon at Ft. Dodge, and who  
periodically assisted Doc Adams during epidemics or other emergencies.

They weren't close friends, but Matt had always liked and respected  
the younger man who about a year earlier had been posted to Colorado. Late  
in the evening and over a bottle of whiskey, he picked the young  
doctor's brain about this thing called "amnesia."

Sipping his drink, Will explained. "Basically, the blow to your  
head...either the bullet or the fall or both...caused a part of your  
brain to temporarily shut down. When the rancher asked you your name,  
you realized you had no idea who you were. If I understand you  
correctly, you had no difficulty speaking, remembering words or how to  
eat and do chores around the ranch. That implies that while facts  
about your life were blocked out, you were perfectly capable of functioning  
on a daily basis. After such an injury some people live the rest of their  
lives with no memory or knowledge of the time prior to that injury.  
Others re-gain partial memory. Still others, and it appears that  
you're one of them, re-gain complete memory after the injured part of the   
brain has healed."

Matt listened without interrupting, his quick mind taking in the words  
he hoped would give him some insight into what had happened to him out  
there in that Arizona valley.

"That's a simplified version. You want to know more?"

"Nah, I think that's about as much medical information as I can handle  
for one night. Thanks, Will."

"Glad to help. Well, it's getting late and I need to be heading back  
to the post. It's been great seeing you again, Matt. Ride careful and say  
hello to Doc and Miss Kitty for me."

The younger man never noticed the fleeting look of pain that crossed  
the lawman's steady gaze. "I'll do that. Good to see you, too, Will, and  
thanks again."

Matt returned to his hotel room and spent the next few hours pondering  
Will's words. As he understood it, he might not have known what he was  
doing, might not have been responsible for his actions, but the fact  
remained that he had wronged the one person in the world he had vowed  
never, ever to hurt. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"I told you I'm not hurt, and that's the truth...now. But I was hurt  
out there. It was...uh, kind of bad, I guess."

Matt paused and led Kitty to the big easy chair, where he sat her  
down. Pulling the overstuffed ottoman to the edge of the chair, he sat down  
in front of her. Elbows resting on his thighs and body leaning forward,  
they were almost on eye level.

"Go on, Matt. What happened?"

"Well...when I left here I headed north after Dean. After a couple  
days his trail turned west and I tracked him into Arizona Territory."

"Arizona? Matt, that's over five hundred miles!"

"Don't I know it." he said ruefully, a grin almost forming on his  
sober face. "But, I found him. We played cat and mouse for a few days and  
then he shot me...creased my skull and knocked me off my horse. He left me  
to die in that valley, and I probably would have, but a rancher found me  
and took me home."

"Apparently I was unconscious for two, three days and when I woke up I  
had one hell of a headache, a badly sprained ankle and no memory. I  
had amnesia, Kit. You know anything about that?"

"Sort of. You can't remember things, right?"

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that. I ran into Will  
Tremain out in Pueblo, and he explained the medical part to me. I'll tell you  
all about it later."

"All I knew at the time was that I had no idea who I was, what I was,  
where I was from or where I was going. Nothing. Dean, or someone, had  
taken my papers and badge, so I had no identification on me. I didn't  
know I was a lawman. I didn't remember Dodge or Doc or Festus. I  
didn't remember...dear God, Kitty...I didn't even remember you...had no idea  
you even existed."

With those last words he buried his face into her lap, and his long  
arms tightened around her waist as he suddenly realized the enormity of  
what he was about to tell her.

Kitty stroked the thick gray/brown curls and held him close. "It's all  
right, Cowboy. You're here now...you're home. You remember me and  
we're together again. That's all that matters. It's all right, Matt. It's  
all right."

He shook his head against her lap. "No, it's not all right, Kit. I'm  
not finished yet. This is the part that might be hard for you."

A puzzled frown creased Kitty's brow, "Go on," she replied quietly.

He straightened and looked into her uncomprehending face. "Kitty, the  
rancher, Mike Yardner...Mike was a...is a...woman."

"Running a ranch by herself? I'm impressed. And she found you, Matt.  
She saved your life. We both need to be very grateful to her."

In the silence that followed, Kitty felt her heart plummet all the way  
to the pit of her stomach. "Matt...what aren't you telling me? Say  
it...please." The last word was barely a whisper.

Unable to stall any longer, his voice so low she could barely hear, he  
replied, "I slept with her, Kitty. It was only one night, but I...I'm  
so sorry, Kitty, so very, very sorry."

Kitty's face went pale and her entire body was trembling, but her  
voice remained deadly calm as she said, "How could you, Matt? That's the  
last thing in the world I ever expected to hear from you. Matt, how could  
you do this to me...to us?"

As she spoke the last words, Kitty pushed out of the big chair and  
flew by him and into the adjoining room. Still sitting rather uncomfortably  
on the foot stool, he could hear from the other room the sound of  
Kitty's retching into the enamel basin.

When he could endure the wait and the sound no longer, he went through  
the bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door. "Go away, Matt. Leave me  
alone."

"I can't leave you alone now, Kit, not like this. Please come out."

"No! Go away."

"I'll go away if you'll come out and let me see that you're all  
right." He realized how ridiculous that sounded. How could he expect her to be  
all right?

The door opened slightly and she slid through, paler and more  
beautiful than he had ever seen. She wasn't crying, but the hurt, the betrayal   
in those beautiful sapphire eyes cut him to the core.

"Okay, you've seen me. Now go away, Matt, and don't...don't bother to  
come back."

"Kitty, what can I do to fix this? How can I make it right?"

"I have no idea." With those four toneless words, Kitty slipped back  
through the door and closed it quietly behind her. She might not have  
recognized it earlier, but she now knew she would never forget the  
look of guilt in Matt Dillon's steel blue eyes. 


	4. Chapter 4

IN THEIR EYES

Chapter 4

On the third day after Matt's return to Dodge, while everyone else in  
town was patting him on the back and telling him how good it was to  
have him home, Kitty remained oddly aloof.

Never a publicly demonstrative couple, they now seemed to go out of  
their way to avoid each other. Festus made the nightly rounds of Front  
Street...something he did only when the marshal was away...while Matt  
walked the streets on the upper side of town.

As the early evening sun was setting low over the prairie, Matt slowly  
climbed the rickety steps to Doc's office and opened the door. Seeing  
only the old physician in the outer office, he blew out a breath and  
asked, "You got a minute, Doc?"

"I think you're going to need more than a minute, son, but sit  
down...I've been expecting you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I've been in that saloon across the street every morning and  
every night since you've been back, and one over-grown public servant  
has been conspicuously absent. Add to it the fact that you've been  
about as friendly as a bear with a sore backside these last few days, if I  
were a betting man, I'd say that you and one beautiful, temperamental  
redhead have had a fight."

"Actually, I didn't come here to discuss my personal life. I came for  
medical advice."

Doc tugged at his ear and looked slightly abashed. "I'm sorry, Matt. I  
didn't know you were sick. What's wrong?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sick...at least I don't think I am, but..."

For the next half hour the very private lawman filled his old friend  
in on the turn his life had taken since he had ridden out of Dodge City  
nearly six weeks before.

"...and that's it, Doc, it's certainly not something I'm proud of,  
but I swear I didn't know it was wrong for me to do it. I had no memory of  
Kitty, no knowledge that she even existed. You know I would never do  
that to her; I couldn't. Kitty's my whole world...she's..."

"I know what Kitty means to you, but does she? Have you ever told her  
exactly how you feel?"

"Well, I...sure she knows. I mean, how could she not know?"

"Have you told her you love her? Have you actually ever spoken those  
words out loud to her?"

The big lawman ground the toe of his boot into the floor, his face  
flushed and guilty. "Doc... just tell me how I could have done that to  
Kitty. Is it possible that it really was 'Dan' with Mike and not me?"

"Matt, from what you've told me, it is my medical opinion that you  
were 'Dan' from the minute you woke up at that ranch until Mike Yardner  
called you 'Matt.' Anything you did, good or bad, during the time  
between those two events was done by 'Dan,' not by you."

"What should I do, Doc? How can I make Kitty understand? I...I'm  
scared to death I'm gonna lose her over this...I'm..."

"Then you better make danged sure you work this out with her, and  
before any more time goes by, too."

"She won't even talk to me, Doc, doesn't want to see me. How am I  
supposed to work it out?"

"You're a big boy, Matt. Surely you can handle one little woman."

Matt glared at the old physician, slammed his hat on his head, and  
turned toward the door.

As he heard the doorknob turn, Doc spoke from his desk, his voice   
quiet, his eyes sincere as he said, "Kitty loves you, Matt. You've hurt  
her...a lot. Right now she's in pain, but no pain lasts forever. Keep that in  
mind." 


	5. Chapter 5

**IN THEIR EYES**  
Chapter 5 

That evening Matt returned to his usual route, making the Long Branch  
his last stop of the night as had been his custom for the better part  
of eighteen years.

It was a quiet night inside the saloon. Pausing in the doorway, he saw  
Kitty leaning against the bar talking with two of the hands from Frank  
Wilburn's ranch.

Touching his hand to the brim of his hat, he joined the trio at the  
bar. "Evening, Kitty...Cade...John...how's the branding going?"

"Hot and dirty as ever, Marshal," Cade replied while John swallowed  
the last of his beer.

"Kitty, may I talk to you for a minute?" Dropping his voice so that   
only she could hear, "please?" he added.

"Excuse me, fellas. Sam...give them each another," she said as she led  
the way to a back table.

"I've missed you, Kit." Matt pulled Kitty's chair out for her and sat  
down on the adjacent one, edging it as close to hers as he dared.

"Well, Festus has been in a couple times every day and Newly's been  
here a few times, so I know the Long Branch hasn't been declared off limits  
to the law...only to the marshal, it seems." Her tone did nothing to  
help his confidence or to invite friendly conversation.

"You told me not to bother to come back," he retorted, calm and  
controlled.

Kitty felt her face growing warm and she ducked her head. "Yeah, I did  
say that."

"In that case, I won't be needing this any more." He opened his big  
palm and placed the key, the key with the faded blue ribbon, the key to her  
room, the key to her heart, on the table in front of her.

The tiny "plink" may have been the sound of the thin metal key hitting  
the scarred wooden table, or it may have been the sound of two hearts  
simultaneously breaking.

"Oh, Matt, I didn't mean...I never meant...but if that's what you  
want," she squared her shoulders, fighting back the tears now shimmering in  
those bottomless blue eyes.

"Dammit, Kit, it's not what I want, but..."

"What do you want, Matt?"

"I want to take you in my arms and hold you forever. I want to tell  
you how much you mean to me, how much I need you in my life. I want to   
make this whole ugly mess go away, but I can't Kitty, I can't make that  
happen. But if you'll just listen to me, I'll try to explain some  
things to you...some medical things about amnesia that Will Tremain and Doc  
told me. It might help you. It might help us both."

Slipping the small key into the pocket of her dress, Kitty stood from  
the table and looked around the now empty saloon. "Go on upstairs,  
Matt. I'll be right behind you."

Kitty called to Sam to tell him she was going upstairs for the night.  
As she crossed the balcony, she could see the shadowy outline of Matt's  
tall figure waiting for her behind the curtain. She wasn't sure  
whether to laugh or cry...letting himself into her room had become such a  
simple, normal part of their routine that they had both momentarily  
forgotten he had just abdicated that privilege.

As the door closed behind them, he tentatively reached his arms out to  
her, but she backed away. In a voice that sounded much surer than she  
felt, she said calmly, "Don't touch me, Matt. You said you wanted to  
talk."

"I also said I wanted to hold you in my arms forever," he challenged.

"Don't play games with me. Just say what you have to say and leave."

"I may have started at the wrong end of the story the other day, Kit.  
Let me tell it from the beginning, and then I need to tell you what  
Doc thinks."

"Go on," she sat on the edge of the settee as if poised for sudden  
flight.

Uncertain what to do, Matt sat down on the opposite end of the settee  
so that he could watch her face in the lamplight, but he kept carefully  
out of touching distance, the old Stetson placed strategically between  
them. Once again he began the facts of the story as he had related them to  
Doc earlier that day.

Half an hour later he was winding down his story and searching her  
eyes for a sign that she believed him.

"...Kitty, for those couple weeks,  
my entire world was bounded by that valley. I had no idea about my past,  
and I sure didn't know what was in the future. It was frightening and  
lonely, existing only in that time and place...no name, no home, no  
past, no future. Yes, 'Dan' did turn to her. She was a lot like you,  
Kitty...strong and smart, funny, capable, warm, and she...she cared  
for him. It was only natural that he would turn to her for...for comfort."

"Then when she called me 'Matt' everything came flashing back fast as  
fire across the prairie. As soon as I knew who I was, I remembered  
Dodge and you and my responsibilities. As soon as I knew that you were the  
lady in Matt Dillon's heart, I was on my way back here. I wish my  
memory had returned sooner, but it didn't and that's not something I can  
change. That's all I have to say, Kitty, there is no more...except...I  
never, ever meant to hurt you."

Finally Kitty spoke into the somber silence. "Matt, I believe you,  
and I think I understand that the person out there was 'Dan,' not you. I   
know you don't think you consciously did anything wrong and maybe that's  
true, but right now...right now I can't deal with this emotionally.  
You say it was 'Dan's' head and 'Dan's' heart that got involved with,  
with...her. But what about that most private, intimate part of you,  
the part that for so many years only I have had the privilege of knowing,  
of seeing, of touching, of feeling deep inside of me? That was you, Matt,  
that wasn't 'Dan.' 'Dan' used your body, and I'm not sure I can  
forgive either of you for that."

"It was my body, but it wasn't attached to my emotions, to my  
feelings. It's just a body, Kit, it's not my heart."

"Oh, Matt...it's not 'just a body' to me. I love your body as much as  
I love your heart and your soul. Your body speaks volumes to me in a way  
your lips never could. It tells me when you're angry, when you're  
happy, when you're upset or worried. It's even told me of those rare times  
when you've been afraid and, most of all, it tells me how much I really  
mean  
to you. I feel...I've always felt that your body was reserved for me  
alone, and right now I'm feeling pretty violated."

"Kitty, it is...my body is reserved for you alone. Since the first  
time we were together no one else has ever..." His voice dropped below a  
whisper, "at least not until now."

"Do you hate me?" His voice went even lower as he spoke his greatest  
fear. "Are you going to leave me?"

She shook her head as the warm, salty tears she had resolved not to  
shed slid silently down her pale cheeks. "No, I don't hate you. If I did,  
this wouldn't hurt nearly so much. It hurts because I still love you,  
Matt, just as much as ever. And, no, I'm not going to leave you. That  
would just be ripping my heart out a second time."

"Kitty, I wish...I wish I could tell you that it didn't happen, but I  
can't. What can I do to help you? I'll do anything you want...whatever  
it takes to make things right with us again."

Kitty attempted to smile into his sad, worried eyes, but the smile  
died before it reached her lips. Her own pained blue eyes stared past him,  
into the distance, "Give me time, Matt. Give me a lot of time."

He nodded and reached for his hat. As they paused at the door, he  
reached out and tucked a stray curl back behind her ear. As his long  
fingers skimmed her jaw, she turned her head and pressed her lips  
tenderly against the back of his hand. "Matt, I don't know if this  
helps or not, but...while I'm not ready to forgive you yet, I am ready to  
stop blaming you."

For the first time in days, Matt felt a ray of hope, and his blue eyes  
almost crinkled as he smiled into her tear-streaked face. "It helps,  
Kit; it helps a lot." 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Next morning, just as the sun was rising, Kitty carried the   
speckled blue enamelware coffee pot up the steps to Doc's office.

"What's wrong with me, Doc?" she asked as she found two clean cups and  
poured their morning coffee.

"Well, now, Kitty...most of the patients who come in here give me a  
few hints...you know, symptoms like cough, fever, lack of appetite, pain   
in a specific location. They give me something to go on. They don't just  
come waltzing in here with a coffee pot and ask me what's wrong with  
them. Although I must admit the sight of you is a lovely way to start  
my day."

"Don't play dumb with me, Curly. You know very well what's going on. I  
know Matt's talked to you, and I know what you told him."

Doc sipped the hot liquid and watched her carefully.

"I want to believe him. I do believe him, but why can't I accept this  
'Dan' as the person who slept with Mike Yardner? You two can call him  
'Dan' all you want, but the fact remains it was Matt Dillon in bed  
with that woman. Oh, God...I never in my life thought I'd be having this  
discussion with you...or anyone else...certainly not after all these  
years and not about Matt, of all people. How am I supposed to deal  
with this, Doc?"

"You love Matt, right?"

"More than anything in this world. He is my world, Doc. You know  
that."

"And I also happen to know that you are his world. He might have  
trouble expressing his feelings sometimes, but Matt Dillon loves you so much   
and so deep, you'll never find the bottom of that love. Believe me, Kitty,  
this thing with Mike is every bit as hard on him as it is on you. He's  
eating himself up with guilt...he's blaming himself for something he  
had no control over."

"How can I help him? What can I do?"

"You can forgive him, Kitty. You'll both feel a lot better when you  
do." Doc's wise old eyes met hers squarely.

"Doc, I can't..."

"I don't mean to throw your past in your face, Kitty, but you've never  
denied that you've known a lot of men. Does Matt hold that against  
you? Hate you for that?"

Totally surprised at the change of direction the conversation had  
taken, Kitty shook her head, "Well, no, of course not. Matt would never..."

The kind old voice interrupted, "And why is that...why wouldn't  
Matt...?"

"Well, for two reasons, I suppose. First of all, Matt's not like that,  
he's the most non-judgmental of men. And, anyway, those men in my life  
were all before Matt, before I ever heard of Dodge City,   
Kansas...before I ever knew a United States Marshal named Matt Dillon even existed.  
Those men were from a time..."

Kitty's hand flew to her mouth as if to stop her own flow of  
words. "I, oh, my God! That's the point you're trying to make, isn't it? He had   
no knowledge of Dodge or you or Festus. He didn't know about his job or,  
or anything...including me. It's as if it happened in an earlier time  
period, before Matt ever met me. It's the same thing, isn't it, Doc?  
It's not just that he forgot. Everything was wiped from his memory. In  
his mind, there never was an 'us.' He tried to tell me, but I was so  
angry, so hurt, I didn't really want to hear what he was saying."

The elderly man smiled and nodded sagely. "I hated to do that to you,  
Kitty, but someone needed to jolt you out from under that cloak of  
self-pity you've wrapped around yourself these last several days. You  
needed..."

"Doc, I have to go...I need to find Matt. I need to tell him..." Doc  
could only speculate as to what she needed to tell him for with a  
swirl of skirts she was out the door and down the steep steps before the  
last words ever left her lips.

Kitty's feet barely touched the dusty street and boardwalk as she  
rushed to the old brick jailhouse in search of the man she loved.

She stopped in the doorway, breathless and disappointed, when she  
threw open the door to discover only Festus inside.

"Morning' Miz Kitty. Iffen yore lookin' for Matthew, he done took  
hisself off ta Cimarron afore first light. Me and Newly'll be takin'  
care of thangs until then."

"Fine, Festus. When he gets back, will you please tell him I need to  
talk with him right away?"

"I'll do 'er, Miz Kitty, but that ain't gonna be until late ternight.  
Is there innything I kin do fer ya?"

"No, that's all, Festus. You won't forget now, will you?"

"No, ma'am. I won't fergit."

Kitty left the jail feeling disappointed and angry that Matt had once  
again, however unintentionally, thwarted her plans.

Returning to the Long Branch, she went about her daily routine, a part  
of her mind constantly on the twelve mile stretch of road between  
Dodge City and Cimarron. She absolutely hated it when he didn't say good-bye  
before taking off on a trip, even a short one such as this. Truth be  
told, she was more fearful than angry...afraid of what dangers might  
befall him along the way. It was as if each loving send-off were a  
talisman he could wear into battle, protecting him from the perils of  
the road.

Come on, Kitty, you've been reading too many dime novels, she told  
herself. Matt's fine out there and you'll see him tonight.

The day dragged on interminably. By the time she went downstairs to  
help Sam with the early evening crowd, she had changed her clothes three  
times and straightened every picture frame, knick knack and piece of  
furniture in her rooms.

Suppose I've waited too long...maybe he's changed his mind, doesn't  
want me any more.

He returned my key. I didn't have to keep it, but I did.

But he did say he'd like to hold me in his arms 'forever.'

This is ridiculous; I'm giddy as a school girl, she told herself.

Working the downstairs room seemed to help a bit, but as the last  
light of day dipped behind the old wooden buildings on Front Street, Kitty  
slipped quickly upstairs to her room again. She took a lamp from the  
side table, carefully lit it and turned up the wick. She placed it in  
her front window where it would once again serve as a beacon in the  
dark, visible to anyone riding into town from the west, especially if  
someone in particular were looking for it.

Going back downstairs, Kitty worked the crowd the rest of the evening,  
losing track of time in the busy room. She was surprised at the  
lateness of the hour when Newly came in, making the evening rounds in the  
marshal's absence. Closing time came. She and Sam ushered out the last  
of the patrons and Sam began the process of cleaning up.

"Go on home, Sam. I'll finish the glasses tonight and we can do the  
rest in the morning."

"You sure, Miss Kitty? Everything all right?"

"Everything's fine. Just go along and get out of here early for a  
change. It doesn't happen often, so you better take advantage of it."

Sam left and Kitty washed and dried the dirty beer mugs and whiskey  
glasses. Wiping down the well-worn bar, she finally had to admit there  
was nothing left to do but go upstairs to bed.

But first, she walked outside for a breath of fresh air and a final  
scan of the dark street. A few cowboys were still milling about, but none   
was the familiar figure she so desperately wanted to see. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was after two by the mantel clock when Kitty was roused by the soft  
knock at her back door. She jumped from the big overstuffed chair  
where she had been dosing and quickly crossed the room, stopping momentarily  
in front of the mirror to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

Another soft knock, followed by that most beloved of all voices,  
"Kitty...it's me."

Heart pounding in her chest, she opened the door and looked up at the  
large frame filling her doorway. "Sorry it's so late, but I just rode  
in and saw your light. Is everything all right?"

She drew him into the room saying, "I think it is, Matt. I hope it  
is. I need to talk to you."

Matt looked at her quizzically as he sat down on the settee and  
accepted the glass of brandy she handed him.

Tucking her full skirts around her, Kitty sat down beside the big  
lawman and spoke quietly.

"I'm so sorry, Matt, so very sorry for the way I've been acting. You  
know, I don't think I was ever really angry with you...I was mostly  
hurt, to say nothing of stunned. Then Doc pointed some things out to  
me this morning, and...and now I see how unfair I've been to you."

"You know, the weird thing is, I don't know if I should forgive you  
for something you didn't really do. That doesn't make much sense, but I do  
forgive you, Matt. It's hard for me to understand exactly what happened  
to you out there, but I want you to know that I do believe you and I  
don't blame you. I...well...I guess that's all I wanted to say. I  
truly am sorry."

"Thanks, Kitty, that means a lot, and I appreciate your staying up to  
tell me."

Matt spoke into the awkward pause. "Well," he stood up. "It's late, so  
I'd better get going.

Thanks for the drink."

Feeling more nervous than she ever would have believed possible, Kitty  
caught his arm and raised her head to look into his weary eyes. "You  
don't have to leave...unless you really want to, of course."

"Kitty?"

She nodded and moved toward him, arms outstretched.

He gathered her into a mighty hug and looked down into her serene blue  
eyes. "Does this mean we're okay again?"

"Let's just say it means we're close."

"Close enough for me to hold you?"

She nodded against his chest. "I'd like that a lot, Cowboy."

Matt took off his gunbelt and sat down on the big brass bed to remove  
his dusty boots. As he lay back, Kitty sat down next to him and, when  
he reached for her, she pushed all pretext of decorum aside and stretched  
out on top of his long frame, her head resting on his muscular chest,  
auburn curls just beneath his chin.

The back of his long fingers caressed her cheek, and she turned her  
head to press her lips against them.

"Hmmm...this feels so good, Matt, so right."

"May I say that I've missed you like crazy?"

"I've missed you, too, Matt...so very, very much."

They lay quietly, his lips brushing soft kisses into her hair, his  
huge hands gliding easily over the silky dress, caressing her back and arms  
and the sides of her full, soft breasts.

Finally, as she kissed the front of his shirt, Kitty broke the  
pleasant silence, "What's it like to have amnesia? How did it feel?"

"Well, it didn't hurt or anything, if that's what you mean...except  
for one hellacious headache from getting shot. But it was the most lonely  
feeling in the world, not knowing anything about myself, not having a  
clue to my own identity. I could look in the mirror and see my  
reflection, but I had no idea who that was looking back at me."

"Poor baby...I'm so sorry, Matt." She raised her head to brush tender  
kisses against his throat. "I guess...I guess I have to be glad Mike  
was there to take care of you, but I'd be even gladder if Mike hadn't  
been a 'shemale.'

"Kitty...I"

"No, it's all right. Honest. It's over now, and I really am grateful  
to her for taking care of you."

"You know, Kit, when she learned my identity from Favorite...er, from  
Dean...she didn't have to tell me who I was. She could have kept me in  
the dark until my memory returned on its own...if it did."

They continued to lie in each others arms, the emotional gap between  
them closing as rapidly as the physical.

"Why'd you tell me about you and Mike, or 'Dan' and Mike or..."

"I felt so guilty I was sure you could see it all over me. And I, I've  
never lied to you, Kit, but if I wanted to start, this might have  
been a good time." She could feel his mouth stretch into a real smile against  
the top of her head.

"I love you, you know." Matt's voice was husky and low as he turned  
her in his arms to look into her beautiful face, her deep, clear eyes.

Kitty's hand reached into his gray/brown curls to pull him close. "Say  
that again," she commanded as she caught his mouth in a deep, sweet  
kiss.

"What...that I love you? Kitty, I might not say it very often, but I  
do...I love you every minute of every hour of every day."

"I love you, too, Matt...totally and completely."

She pressed herself tight against his long, hard body, wriggling  
downward until her hips found his. Squirming slowly against him, her  
hands reached for the buttons on his shirt.

He caught her hands and brought them to his lips. "Kit? You sure about  
this?"

She pulled back from his chest just enough for him to see her face.  
Dark sapphire eyes brimming with love, she whispered, "Trust me, Cowboy,  
I'm sure."

XXXXXXXXXX

Lying wide awake and feeling totally loved and sated in the early  
dawn, Kitty caressed Matt's ruggedly handsome face. How could she have ever  
doubted this gentle giant, this amazing man who so many years ago had  
taken the young saloon girl into his arms and into his heart?

Matt rolled over onto his own pillow and was instantly awakened by  
something cool and hard pressing into his cheek. Looking down, he saw  
a bit of frayed and faded blue ribbon attached to a thin key.

He reached one long arm across the bed and drew her once more onto his  
chest. Her deep blue eyes were radiant with love and, as he looked  
from her smiling face to the old familiar key, he felt his own blue eyes  
soften once again with love and desire.

For the first time since he had ridden back into Dodge, he felt that  
he was truly home.

The End


End file.
